Megan Fox: Ruining Movies and Introducing Adolescent Boys to Their Penises

Megan Fox sucks. Clearly she's famous because she's mini-Angelina Jolie and not because she has any talent whatsoever. She even found her own trashy male companion Brian Austin Green--I don't get it either--a la Billy Bob Thornton (three part names, the similarities just keep coming) to show that while she is a very pretty hooker, she still isn't good enough to snag a celebrity that has mattered in the last 12 years. At least Billy Bob had Sling Blade and Monster's Ball...and Bad Santa. That being said perhaps I'm just biased because I cant look at her without seeing the villain from Mary-Kate and Ashley's Holiday In the Sun and hearing her mutter "I want Jordan", but I don't care because her bitch face and her whole I-dated-a-Russian-stripper to add to my slutty famewhore appeal annoys me. Then again, I might just be upset because she's cast as the lead in Diablo Cody's next film Jennifer's Body which is sure to be huge because Diablo Cody (Juno writer) is great and because it's about a possessed cheerleader who gets to go on a black widowesque killing spree, fun. If there's one thing I don't need is Diablo's awesome writing making Megan Fox look funny or talented. I'm not looking for any reasons to like this girl, I'm content with my jealous and marginally attractive hatred. We get it Megan, you're hot, now fucking go away.

In Case You Missed It: Millions

I finally watched this movie after attempting it for about a week now, and while I'm not surprised by my immediate love for something the recently unstoppable Danny Boyle thought up I was surprised about some of the films themes and how they remained true to their goals without ever lecturing or becoming stagnant in delivery. Made in 2004 the story of Millions revolves around Damien (Alex Etel) Cunningham, a young boy who's mother has recently passed away, and his search for goodness in the world after having a mysterious sack of money literally fall into his lap. The New York Times explains the movies focus as, "...the secret world of children, in particular that miraculous, tragically brief interlude when the young imagination - not yet captive to crippling adult conventions like time, space and rational thought - takes boundless flight."

The protagonist, Damian, is a wonderfully odd and new kind of lead character, driving the story through an unexpected path. The character stresses an incredibly ethical viewpoint on life throughout the film--interacting with copious saints about whom he has an awing knowledge--however the context never becomes religious or preaches, which is a real feat. The dialogue is fresh and really very entertaining as there is a 7-year-old boy coming to realizations that none of the adults around him are able to grasp and allowing them to realize how strange it is that they remain confused despite the simplicity of the intended lessons. The writing is strong, writer Frank Cottrell Boyce even recieving the BAFTA for best screenplay and Danny Boyle creates some vibrant, abstract scenes that echo likenesses to Trainspotting. The movie never bored me, keeping my focus with interesting progressions in the plot and exciting dialogue however the star of the film is just that, it's young star Alex Etel. Nominated for a Critics Choice Award for Best Young Actor but slimly losing he posseses the chops of an actor well beyond his years and delivers a heartwarming but commanding role.

All in all I would give this movie a thumbs up for its subtle and impressive ability to cross between the genres of comedy, drama and fantasy, and for Etel's excellent debut performance. While it may not contain the dramatic meat and bones of a serious festival flick, nor the extreme budget and effects of a blockbuster this little movie achieves more than is expected of it and is certainly worth all the acclaim it has recieved. Definitely the best PG-rated movie I have ever seen, it was a very fun, afternoon snack of a movie!

RottenTomatoes.com rating: 88%

FilmCritic.com rating: 4 out of 5 stars

My Rating: A-

Read the Onion review here: http://www.avclub.com/articles/millions,4644/

Are movies getting better?

The last two years have shown an incredible leap upwards in the quality of movies. While it is not true of every film, as 2007 did give us the shining piece of cinematic crap that is I Know Who Killed Me and 2008 has seen the continuation of the [Genre] Movie series, the movies that appeared on the "Best" end of the spectrum seem to be significantly better than those produced in and before 2006. Every year does have it's standout films like that of 2005's Crash or 2006's The Departed but in the final two years of the Bush administration the competition has become much thicker for Best Picture contenders. For the first time since Beauty and the Beast there is an animated film (WALL-E) allegedly slated for entry in the Best Picture catagory thanks to unparalleled effects, a documentary (Man on Wire) which showcases no death and destruction--or depicts an angry Michael Moore--is the frontrunner for an Oscar, and the race for Best Picture is set to go to the foreign-produced Slumdog Millionare which aside from critical hype is likely one of the greatest cinematic achievements of a decade.

The phrase "its an honor just to have been nominated" has become a justified reaction for nominees of the past two years as the catagories have consistently be comprised of remarkable performances and technical achievements, all of which would be worthy to garner Oscar wins. With award season upon us I am relieved that for the second year in a row I am able to truly look forward to the ceremony with a great degree of hope for some nominees but an exciting sense of uncertainty about who will take home the actual prizes. From what I've read and heard about some of this year's most anticipated releases I have a great feeling that 2009 will show another score of amazing movies, and I hope the trend will only continue from there!